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HUMOR & STUFF FROM BUDDIES – Uncle Fred
By fred | July 13, 2009
HUMOR & STUFF FROM BUDDIES
Alison one of our buddies BLOGer’s in comment in our BLOG had some comments about coffee, and my remarks about loving it. Since many of you may not dig into my BLOG comments I included her message below an interesting read. Seems the United States is finally beginning to enjoy real coffee, good coffee!
I read where temps all over the nation are steaming – SO NOW I KNOW WHY – all the folks are moving here to our state of Washington. Today was a top of around 65, with a decidedly cooooool breeze. We have had rain for several days, nothing bad, just a few soft sprinkles here and there. I would not, I repeat, I would not move from here for anything in the world. Truly God’s country!
Since the 4th of July holiday weekend sales in my eBay jewelry store have been almost non-existent, so I did a little research, started to watch the bidding. You can learn a lot from that. I clicked in ‘Tennis bracelets’ a very popular item with ladies, I usually sell quite a few of them in a months time. It was interesting to note that there were hardly any bids on the normal hot sellers, bracelets under say $15.00. BUT, a fairly large number of tennis bracelets over a thousand dollars were getting a number of bids. I do not sell tennis bracelets over $20 so that lets me out!
I am not knowledgeable enough about the value of diamonds, carats etc., of real diamonds, real gold jewelry – so I cannot comment. All of my stuff is crystal or CZ lab made diamonds, emeralds, etc. and usually white or yellow gold overlay.
It seems that those that know, and folks with money are spending it. The middle class, the poor are not buying, but those with money, have it and will spend it for a bargain even if that bargain is a $1,000 or $10,000 dollar tennis bracelet.
What did I learn from this – not much! There are still a lot of folks with one hell of a lot of money. There are even more folks that have little or no money or are scared to death and not spending. We shall see how it progresses.
This week our Humor from Buddies hit almost twenty pages before I stopped adding stuff from my humor saves. Sorry I could not get it all on, just picked a few. I do hope some of the following will give you a chuckle and some will surely give you a bit of knowledge. The five minute chocolate cake one is a classic – Eve Wilson sent that jewel in.
After a few days we will again return to ‘Everybody’s Danish’ – right now – Poly high football.
Have fun— Fred
START OF HUMOR & STUFF FROM BUDDIES
From Alison—
I was surprised to read about your addiction to good coffee. When Stuart and I first started visiting US we thought the coffee was terrible – weak and tasteless. We didn’t think anyone in the US knew what good coffee was; we should have known that the Danes did.
Stuart is really fussy about his coffee and over the years we have accumulated various coffee makers and fancy ’systems’ all which get relegated to the back of the cupboard. The best, by far, method of good coffee is finely ground in a paper filter.
My mother will make fresh coffee in a fancy jug and I have to rummage in her cupboards for a filter paper for Stuart’s coffee to remove the sludge that you get at the bottom of the cup.
We take filters on camping trips and fill a kettle of water, leave it to boil (20min using the car cigarette lighter) while going for a shower, then make the best coffee in the world, sitting outside our tent looking at the wildlife flitting around us. If we’re in the US often we’ll have bought a couple of pieces of cheesecake the night before and brought it back to the campsite. Excellent.
Over the years we’ve tuned ourselves to South American coffee more and more although it’s nice to have a change.
Anyway, since these earlier trips to the US the coffee has really improved with coffee shops on every corner giving the customer any variation of coffee, milk, foam and water required. Even McDonalds are doing better coffee.
The Scandinavians do like strong coffee, but even there the Starbucks are changing the tastes of the youngsters to a more frothy format. I’m not sure your parents would have approved!
Just finished my breakfast ‘Killer Coffee’. I only have one mug a day.
NEXT
NOTE
This one from Eve Wilson – wife of Flamingo Wilson, quarterback on our 1946 Poly football team, loved him – he always got the ball to me – what I did with it after that — was not always beautiful —BUT that is another story! Fred
5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE
4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)
Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don’t be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out onto a plate if desired.
EAT ! (this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous).
And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!
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WORDS OF AN ELDER SOUL
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I’ve aged, I’ve become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I’ve become my own friend. I don’t chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn’t need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70′s, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love … I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful.
But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody’s beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don’t question myself anymore.
I’ve even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day if I feel like it.
MAY YOU ALWAYS HAVE A RAINBOW OF SMILES ON YOUR FACE AND IN YOUR HEART FOREVER!
NEXT
A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.
The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.
The second man explained that he was from the Commonwealth Police Drug Department and that the dog was a ‘sniffing dog’.
‘His name is Sniffer and he’s the best there is. I’ll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.’
The plane took off , and once it has leveled out, the Policeman said, ‘Watch this.’
He told Sniffer to ‘search’.
Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman’s arm.
The Policeman said, ‘Good boy’, and he turned to the man and said, ‘That woman is in possession of marijuana, I’m making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.
‘Gee, that’s pretty good,’ replied the first man.
Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent’s arm. The Policeman said, ‘That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I’m making a note of his seat number for the police.’
‘I like it !’ said his seat mate.
The Policeman then told Sniffer to ‘search’ again.
Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place.
The first man was really disgusted by this behavior and couldn’t figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the Policeman, ‘What’s going on ?’
The Policeman nervously replied, ‘He’s just found a bomb.’
NEXT
NOTE Sent in by our friend and former neighbor Roy, – my comment is abiding by all this – not me – who wants to live forever! Fred
John Hopkins Update – Good article
AFTER YEARS OF TELLING PEOPLE CHEMOTHERAPY IS THE ONLY WAY TO TRY
(‘TRY’,
BEING THE KEY WORD) TO ELIMINATE CANCER, JOHNS HOPKINS IS FINALLY
STARTING
TO TELL YOU THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE WAY.
Cancer Update from Johns Hopkins :
1. Every person has cancer cells in the body. These cancer cells do
not
show up in the standard tests until they have multiplied to a few
billion.
When doctors tell cancer patients that there are no more cancer
cells in
their bodies after treatment, it just means the tests are unable to
detect the
cancer cells because they have not reached the detectable size.
2. Cancer cells occur between 6 to more than 10 times in a person’s
lifetime.
3 When the person’s immune system is strong the cancer cells will
be
destroyed and prevented from multiplying and forming tumors.
4. When a person has cancer it indicates the person has multiple
nutritional deficiencies.. These could be due to
genetic,environmental, food and
lifestyle factors.
5. To overcome the multiple nutritional deficiencies, changing diet
and
including supplements will strengthen the immune system.
6. Chemotherapy involves poisoning the rapidly-growing cancer
cells and
also destroys rapidly-growing healthy cells in the bone marrow,
gastrointestinal tract etc, and can cause organ damage, like liver,
kidneys, heart,
lungs etc.
7. Radiation while destroying cancer cells also burns, scars and
damages
healthy cells, tissues and organs.
8. Initial treatment with chemotherapy and radiation will often
reduce
tumor size. However prolonged use of chemotherapy and radiation do
not result
in more tumor destruction.
9. When the body has too much toxic burden from chemotherapy and
radiation
the immune system is either compromised or destroyed, hence the
person can
succumb to various kinds of infections and complications.
10. Chemotherapy and radiation can cause cancer cells to mutate and
become
resistant and difficult to destroy. Surgery can alsocause cancer
cells to
spread to other sites.
11. An effective way to battle cancer is to starve the cancer cells
by not
feeding it with the foods it needs to multiply..
*CANCER CELLS FEED ON:
a. Sugar is a cancer-feeder. By cutting off sugar it cuts off one
important food supply to the cancer cells. Sugar substitutes
likeNutraSweet,
Equal, Spoonful, etc are made with Aspartame and it is harmful. A
better
natural substitute would be Man uka honey or molasses, but only in
very small
amounts. Table salt has a chemical added to make it white in color.
Better
alternative is Bragg’s aminos or sea salt.
b. Milk causes the body to produce mucus, especially in the
gastro-intestinal tract. Cancer feeds on mucus. By cutting off milk
and substituting with
unsweetened soy milk cancer cells are being starved.
c. Cancer cells thrive in an acid environment. A meat-based diet is
acidic and it is best to eat fish, and a little chicken rather than
beef or
pork. Meat also contains livestock antibiotics, growth hormones and
parasites,
which are all harmful, especially to people with cancer.
d. A diet made of 80% fresh vegetables and juice, whole grains,
seeds,
nuts and a little fruits help put the body into an alkaline
environment.
About 20% can be from cooked food including beans. Fresh vegetable
juices
provide live enzymes that are easily absorbed and reach down to
cellular levels
within 15 minutes to nourish and enhance growth of healthy cells. To
obtain live enzymes for building healthy cells try and drink fresh
vegetable
juice (most vegetables including bean sprouts) and eat some raw
vegetables 2
or 3 times a day. Enzymes are destroyed at temperatures of 104
degrees F
(40 degrees C).
e. Avoid coffee, tea, and chocolate, which have high caffeine.
Green tea
is a better alternative and has cancer fighting properties.
Water-best to
drink purified water, or filtered, to avoid known toxins and heavy
metals
in tap water. Distilled water is acidic, avoid it.
12. Meat protein is difficult to digest and requires a lot of
digestive
enzymes. Undigested meat remaining in the intestines becomes
putrefied and
leads to more toxic buildup.
13. Cancer cell walls have a tough protein covering. By refraining
from or
eating less meat it frees more enzymes to attack the protein walls
of
cancer cells and allows the body’s killer cells to destroy the cancer
cells.
14. Some supplements build up the immune system (IP6, Flor-ssence,
Essiac, anti-oxidants, vitamins, minerals, EFAs etc.) to enable the
bodies own
killer cells to destroy cancer cells.. Other supplements like
vitamin E are
known to cause apoptosis, or programmed cell death, the body’s
normal
method of disposing of damaged, unwanted, or unneeded cells.
15. Cancer is a disease of the mind, body, and spirit. A proactive
and
positive spirit will help the cancer warrior be a survivor.Anger,
un-forgiveness and bitterness put the body into a stressful and
acidic environment.
Learn to have a loving and forgiving spirit. Learn to relax and
enjoy life.
16. Cancer cells cannot thrive in an oxygenated environment.
Exercising
daily, and deep breathing help to get more oxygen down to the
cellular
level. Oxygen therapy is another means employed to destroy cancer
cells.
1. No plastic containers in micro.
2. No water bottles in freezer.
3.. No plastic wrap in microwave.
Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in its newsletters. This
information is being circulated at Walter Reed Army MedicalCenter as
well. Dioxin
chemicals cause cancer, especially breast cancer. Dioxins are
highly
poisonous to the cells of our bodies. Don’t freeze your plastic
bottles with
water in them as this releases dioxins from the plastic. Recently,
Dr. Edward
Fujimoto, Wellness Program Manager at Cast le Hospital, was on a TV
program
to explain this health hazard. He talked about dioxins and how bad
they are
for us. He said that we should not be heating our food in the
microwave us
ing plastic containers. This especially applies to foods that
contain fat.
He said that the combination of fat, high heat, and plastics
releases
dioxin into the food and ultimately into the cells of the body.
Instead, he
recommends using glass, such as Corning Ware, Pyrex or ceramic
containers for
heating food You get the same results, only without the dioxin. So
such
things as TV dinners, instant ramen and soups, etc., should be
removed from
the container and heated in something else. Pa per isn’t bad but you
don’t
know what is in the paper. It’s just safer to use tempered glass,
Corning
Ware, etc. He reminded us that a while ago some of the fast food
restaurants
moved away from the foam containers to paper. The dioxin problem is
one of
the reasons..
Also, he pointed out that plastic wrap, such as Saran, is just as
dangerous when placed over foods to be cooked in the microwave. As
the food is
nuked, the high heat causes poisonous toxins to actually melt out of
the
plastic wrap and drip into the food. Cover food with a paper towel
instead.
This is an article that should be sent to anyone important in your
life.
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> If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the
> famous erudite scientist who once said: “I woke up one
> morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact
> duplicates.”
>
>
> His mind sees things differently than most of us do, to
> our amazement and amusement. Here are some of his gems:
>
> 1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
> 2 – Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
> 3 – Half the people you know are below average.
> 4 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
> 5 – 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
> 6 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
> 7 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
> 8 – If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
> 9 – All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
> 10 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the
> cheese.
> 11 – I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ….. but she left me before we
> met.
> 12 – OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
> 13 – How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
> 14 – If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
> something.
> 15 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
> 16 – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
> 17 – Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
> 18 – Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
> 19 – I intend to live forever…. so far, so good.
> 20 – If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
> 21 – Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
> 22 – What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
> 23 – My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your
> horn louder.”
> 24 – Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
> 25 – If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
> 26 – A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
> 27 – Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
> 28 – The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
> bread
> 29 – To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
> research.
> 30 – The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
> 31 – The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
> 32 – The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be
> on it.
> 33 – Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
> 34 – Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
>
>
> And a favorite-
> 35 – If your car could travel at the speed of light, would
> your headlights work?
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NOTE Dale sent this one – says he has no idea who wrote it – BUT I agree it could be any of us! Fred
Things are spiraling out of control. I think I have become lost in a world of electronic madness.
One of my sons informed me this week that my cell phone has become obsolete and I must head down to the Cell Phone store and get a phone that is contemporary with the time.
I pointed out that the fancy Razor/Slim line phone with camera built in that he made me trade my perfectly good flip-top Motorola cell phone for two years ago still works perfectly fine. Well, except for the camera thing. Never could figure that out.. Even the few times I actually did take pictures I couldn’t figure what to do with them and gave up.
That is except when I would push the wrong button and take a video of the ceiling or my feet.
Seems the issue is that I am unable to text with the tiny little 3 character buttons. “Hi, son,” would come out looking like, “Gh Qmo.” My grandkids have even spoken to my wife about Poppa’s crazy text messages. Give me a break. Whatever happened to actually talking on a phone? Isn’t that what they were invented for?
They want me to get one of those phones that you can turn upside down and sideways and has a typewriter keyboard with keys about one-eighth the size of my pinky finger.
One of my four sons is a realtor whose real occupation is fly fishing. “Way to go, son.”
Or in my text language, “Xbz um Io, rmo.”
We were floating the Yakima River in his guide quality drift boat south of Ellensburg , Washington . We were miles from anything remotely resembling civilization. Rock canyon walls were on either side of us. Bear with me as I try to explain this strange thing.
His “Blackberry” rang. It was blue and I asked him why it wasn’t called a Blueberry. He shook his head with that “dealing with an elder” despair look I get a lot these days. It was another realtor who called to say that the sellers he represented had agreed to my son’s client ’s changes and he had the signed documents in hand.
My son told him to FAX the papers to his office and he would get them signed and Faxed back, to close the deal that morning. A minute later the phone rang and he hit a few buttons and looked over the FAX, now on theYakima River with us.
He then called his clients and told them he was Faxing the papers to them to sign and asked them to FAX them back to his office. While he was waiting, he hooked into a fat rainbow and was just releasing this 22 inch beauty as his phone rang again with the signed FAX from his clients.
He called the other realtor and told him he was sending the signed papers back by FAX. The deal was closed. He smiled and just said, “You are a little behind the times, Dad.” I guess I am.
I thought about the sixty million dollar a year business I ran with 1800 employees, all without a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures and communicated with Facebook and Twitter.
I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids, their spouse, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicate with me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something as simple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.
That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter, Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck, Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone and every other program within=2 0the texting world.
My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.
The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it’s red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Nobles talking to my wife as everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take my hearing aid out to use it and got a little loud.
I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, “Re-calc-ul-ating” You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sigh and then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then when I would make a right turn instead, it was not good.
When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name of the cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same tone as Gypsy, the GSP lady, at least she loves me.
To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use the cordless phones in our house. W e have had them for 4 years, but I still haven’t figured out how I can lose three phones all at once and have run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathrooms and the dirty laundry baskets when the phone ring.
The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me up every time I go to the grocery store. You would think they could settle on something themselves but this sudden “Paper or Plastic?” every time I check out just knocks me for a loop.
I bought some of those cloth re-usable bags to avoid looking confused but never remember to take them in with me.
Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, “Paper or Plastic?” I just say, “Doesn’t matter to me. I am bi-sacksual.” Then it‘s their turn to stare at me with a blank look.
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THINGS I LEARNED FROM LIVING IN THE SOUTH
>
> Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
>
> There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 live in the south .
>
> There are 10,000 types of spiders . All 10,000 live in the south.
>
> If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.
>
> ‘Twiced’ is a word.
>
> People actually grow and eat okra
>
> ‘Fixinto’ is one word.
>
> There is no such thing as ‘lunch.’ There is only dinner and then supper.
>
> Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you’re two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!
>
> ‘Backwards and forwards’ means I know everything about you!
>
> Djeet is actually a phrase meaning ‘Did you eat?’
>
> You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is.
You work until you’re done or it’s too dark to see.
>
> You don’t PUSH buttons, you MASH them.
>
> You measure distance in hours. Like its 6 hours from Houston to Dallas
>
> You’ll probably have to switch from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ in the same day.
>
> ‘Fix’ is a verb. Example: ‘I’m fixing to go to the store.’
>
> You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.
>
> Yes, Friday night high school football games is serious football!
>
> You carry jumper cables in your car . . .for your OWN car.
>
> There are only four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.
>
> The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but
require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.
>
> 100 degrees Fahrenheit is ‘a little warm.’
>
> We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.
>
> Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as ‘goin’ to Wally-World.’
> A cool snap (below 70 degrees) is good pinto-bean weather.
>
> A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola or pop. .. . . it’s a Coke,
regardless of brand or flavor. Example: ‘What kind a coke you want?’
>
> Fried catfish is the other white meat .
>
> We don’t need no stinking driver’s ed .. . if our mama says we can
drive, we can drive.
>
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WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK
I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:
A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check
out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, “You must be single.”
I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict’s intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: “Well, you know what, you’re absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?”
The drunk replied, “Cause you’re ugly.”
NEXT
Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.
Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently passed gas.
The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and it reverberated down the hall! He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town
again.
Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness.
The desk clerk asked him, “Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?”
Dr. Epstein replied, “Well, young man, no, it isn’t. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away.”
Why haven’t you visited?” asked the desk clerk.
Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I’ve been too ashamed to return.”
The clerk consoled him. “Sir, while I don’t have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn’t even remembered by others. I bet that’s true of your incident too.”
Dr. Epstein replied, “Son, I doubt that’s the case with my incident.”
“Was it a long time ago?”
“Yes, many years.”
The clerk asked, “Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?”
NEXT
Dolly Parton & Queen Elizabeth die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they’ll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there’s only one space left that day, so the angel
must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there’s
some particular reason why she should get into Heaven.
Dolly takes off her top and says, ‘Look at these, they’re the most
perfect breasts God ever created, and I’m sure the angels will be
pleased to see them every day, for eternity.’
The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.
The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and
gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.
The angel chuckles and says,’Okay, Your Majesty, you may go in.’
Dolly is outraged and asks, ‘What was that all about? I show you
two of God’s own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits
into a commode and gets in! Would you explain that to me?’
‘Sorry, Dolly,’ says the angel,
But, even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair – no matter how big they are !!.
NEXT
Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men
who signed the Declaration of Independence ?
Five signers were captured by the British as traitors,
and tortured before they died.
Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.
Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army;
another had two sons captured.
Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or
hardships of the Revolutionary War.
They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes,
and their sacred honor.
What kind of men were they?
Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists.
Eleven were merchants,
nine were farmers and large plantation owners;
men of means, well educated,
but they signed the Declaration of Independence
knowing full well that the penalty would be death if
they were captured.
Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and
trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the
British Navy. He sold his home and properties to
pay his debts, and died in rags.
Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British
that he was forced to move his family almost constantly.
He served in the Congress without pay, and his family
was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him,
and poverty was his reward.
Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer,
Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.
At the battle of Yorktown , Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that
the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson
home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General
George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed,
and Nelson died bankrupt.
Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed.
The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.
John Hart was driven from his wife’s bedside as she was dying.
Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill
were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests
and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his
children vanished.
So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and
silently thank these patriots. It’s not much to ask for the price they paid.
Remember: freedom is never free!
I hope you will show your support by sending this to as many
people as you can, please. It’s time we get the word out that patriotism
is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July has more to it than beer,
picnics, and baseball games.
NEXT
Washington DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. He played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work. After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule.
4 minutes later:
the violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the till and, without stopping, continued to walk.
6 minutes:
A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again.
10 minutes:
A3 year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly, as the kid stopped to look at the violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced them to move on.
45 minutes:
The musician played. Only 6 people stopped and stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk their normal pace.
He collected $32.
1 hour:
He finished playing and silence took over. No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition.
No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.
This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people’s priorities. The questions raised: in a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be:
If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments …..
How many other things are we missing?
END FOR NOW —————
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