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HUMOR & STUFF FROM BUDDIES
By fred | August 8, 2009
HUMOR & STUFF FROM BUDDIES
Seems to have a bit of everything – hope you enjoy these sends – again I could not send everything a lot of what I receive is not in a format that I can forward with ease. Love ya, Fred
FROM CHUCK IN ARIZONA (others sent similar)
New information re: heart attacks
TO ALL AGES. EVEN THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE NOW NEARING ONLY 50!!
I HAD NO IDEA YOU SHOULD NOT LIE DOWN.
Why keep aspirin by your bedside?
About Heart Attacks
There are other symptoms of an heart attack besides the pain on the left arm.
One must also be aware of an intense pain on the chin, as well as nausea
and lots of sweating, however these symptoms may also occur less frequently.
Note: There may be no pain in the chest during a heart attack.
The majority of people (about 60%) who had an heart attack during their
sleep, did not wake up. However, if it occurs, the chest pain may wake you up from your deep sleep.
If that happens, immediately dissolve two aspirins in your mouth and
swallow them with a bit of water..
CALL 911
Do NOT lie down.
Unlock the front door.
Afterwards:
- phone a neighbor or a family member who lives very close by
- say “heart attack!”
- say that you have taken 2 aspirins.
- take a seat on a chair or sofa near the front door, and wait for their
arrival and….
~ Do NOT lie down ~
A Cardiologist has stated that, if each person, after receiving this
e-mail,
sends it to 10 people, probably one life can be saved!
I have already shared the information — What about you?
Do forward this message; it may save lives
ROY ITO SENT THIS ONE FROM L.A.
I THINK OBAMA SHOULD GET SHERIFF JOE TO TAKE OVER GUIDANCE OF ALL PRISONS IN THE UNITED STATES – WE WOULD SAVE A FORTUNE AND HAVE LESS CRIME – BELIEVE IT – UNCLE FRED
You all remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona , who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. Well………
SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!
Oh, there’s MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe!
Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay.
The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who’d like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows.
The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. Teresa and I adopted a Weimaraner from a Maricopa County shelter two years ago. He was neutered, and current on all shots, in great health, and even had a microchip inserted the day we got him. Cost us $78.
The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals.
I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system, and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand.
He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat, and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 – $8 for the Holidays, and plant it later. We have six trees in our yard from the Prison.
Yup, he was reelected last year with 83% of the vote.
Now he’s in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural, that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn’t doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He’s kind of a ‘Git-R Dun’ kind of Sheriff.
TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO
HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF
AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER
THIS IS ONE OF THE REASONS WHY:
Sheriff Joe Arpaio (In Arizona ) who created the ‘ Tent City Jail’:
He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them.
He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jails. Took away their weights Cut off all but ‘G’ movies.
He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects.
Then He Started Chain Gangs For Women So He Wouldn’t Get
Sued For Discrimination.
He took away cable TV Until he found out there was A Federal Court Order that Required Cable TV For Jails So He Hooked Up The Cable TV Again Only Let In The Disney Channel And The Weather Channel.
When asked why the weather channel He Replied, So They Will Know How Hot It’s Gonna Be While They Are Working
ON My Chain Gangs.
He Cut Off Coffee Since It Has Zero Nutritional Value.
When the inmates complained, he told them, ‘This Isn’t The Ritz/Carlton……If You Don’t Like It, Don’t Come Back.’
More On The Arizona Sheriff:
With Temperatures Being Even Hotter Than Usual In Phoenix (116 Degrees Just Set A New Record), the Associated Press Reports:
About 2,000 Inmates Living In A Barbed-Wire-Surrounded Tent Encampment At The Maricopa County Jail Have Been Given Permission To Strip Down To Their Government-Issued
Pink Boxer Shorts.
On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached
138 Degrees Inside The Week Before.
Many Were Also Swathed In Wet, Pink Towels As Sweat Collected On Their Chests And Dripped Down To Their PINK SOCKS.
‘It Feels Like We Are In A Furnace,’ Said James Zanzot, An Inmate Who Has Lived In The TENTS for 1 year. ‘It’s Inhumane.’
Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink, and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates: ‘It’s 120 Degrees In Iraq And Our Soldiers Are Living In Tents Too, And They Have To Wear Full Battle Gear,
But They Didn’t Commit Any Crimes,So Shut Your Mouths!’
Way To Go, Sheriff!
Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes – not live in luxury until it’s time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers money and enjoy things taxpayers can’t afford to have for themselves.
.
EDDIE SARAFFIAN SENT THIS ONE FROM BRENTWOOD CAL
OF COURSE THIS WAS SENT BY A REPUBLICAN, STILL ED IS ABOUT THE BEST OF THE LOT, STILL TRYING TO CONVERT HIM TO THE TRUE FAITH – BUT – THERE ARE A FEW IDEAS HERE I HAVE TO AGREE WITH! Fred
While discussing the upcoming Universal Health Care Program with my friend the other day, I think we have found the solution. I am sure you have heard the ideas that if you ’re a senior you need to suck it up and give up the idea that you need any health care. A new hip? Unheard of. We simply can’t afford to take care of you anymore. You don’t need any medications for your high blood pressure, diabetes, heart problems, etc. Let’s take care of the young people. After all, they will be ruling the world very soon.
So here is the solution. When you turn 70, you get a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of course, you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head and all the health care you need! New teeth, great! Need glasses, no problem. New hip, knee, kidney, lung, heart? Well bring it on. And who will be paying for all of this. The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. And, since you are a prisoner, you don’t have to pay any income tax.
And if we all do our part we can end up in the same prison!!
I really think we have found a Perfect Solution!
PHIL SENT THIS ONE – WHERE ARE YOU PHIL?? SOMEWHERE IN CALIFORNIA I EXPECT!
- At a time when our president and other politicians tend to apologize for our country`s prior actions,here`s a refresher on how some of our former patriots handled negative comments about our country.
> >
> > These are good
> >
> >
> > JFK’S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60′s when DeGaule decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaule said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible.
> > Rusk responded “does that include those who are buried here?
> > DeGuale did not respond.
> >
> >
> > You could have heard a pin drop
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > When in England , at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building by George Bush.
> > He answered by saying, ‘Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.’
> >
> >
> > You could have heard a pin drop.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying ‘Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?’
> > A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: ‘Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?’
> >
> >
> > You could have heard a pin drop.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, ‘Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?’
> > Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, ‘Maybe it’s because the Brit’s, Canadians, Aussie’s and Americans arranged it so you wouldn’t have to speak German.’
> >
> >
> > You could have heard a pin drop.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> > AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE…
> > Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.
> > “You have been to France before, monsieur?” the customs officer asked sarcastically.
> > Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.
> > “Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.”
> > The American said, ‘The last time I was here, I didn’t have to show it.”
> > “Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !”
> > The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ”Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn’t find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to.”
> >
> >
> > You could have heard a pin drop.
DALE SENT THIS ONE FROM ARIZONA – ARIZONA ?? THAT’S WERE YOU PRACTICE FOR HELL – RIGHT?? IF YOU CAN STAND THE SUMMER HEAT YOU CAN STAND ANYTHING – WHEN SALLY AND I VISITED OUR SON SCOTT A THE UNIVERSITY THERE SCOTT SAID THEY COULD FRY EGGS ON THE CEMENT! WOW!! Fred
If you are a grandparent, you will love this one..
A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather
and his poorly behaved 3-year-old grandson. It’s obvious to her
that Gramps has his hands full with the child screaming for candy
in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle; same for fruit,
cereal, and soda in their respective aisles.
Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in
a controlled voice, “Easy, Albert, we won’t be long — easy, boy.”
Another outburst, and she hears Gramps calmly say, “It’s okay,
Albert, just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in
there, boy.”
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items
out of the cart, and Gramps again in a controlled voice says,
“Albert, Albert, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five
minutes; stay cool, Albert.”
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where Gramps is
loading his groceries and the boy into the car. “You know, sir,
it’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t
know how you did it. That whole time, you kept your composure, no
matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying
things would be okay. Albert is very lucky to have you as a grandpa.”
“Thanks, lady,” said Gramps, “I’m Albert — the little
shit’s name is Steve.”
RAY MARSHALL ANOTHER OF MY SUPER LEGION OF L. A. BEST BUDDIES SENT THIS ONE –
A doctor in Duluth wanted to get off work and go hunting, so he approached his assistant. ‘Ole, I am goin’ huntin’ tomorrow and don’t want to close the clinic.
I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all my patients.’
‘Yes, sir!’ answers Ole.
The doctor goes hunting and returns the following day and asks: ‘So, Ole,
How was your day?’
Ole told him that he took care of three patients. ‘The first one had a
Headache so I gave him TYLENOL.’
‘Bravo, Mate, and the second one?’ asks the doctor.
‘The second one had stomach burning and I gave him MAALOX, sir,’ says Ole.
Bravo, bravo! You’re good at this and what about the third one?’ asks the
Doctor.
‘Sir, I was sitting here and suddenly the door opens and a woman enters.
Like a flame, she undresses herself, taking off everything including her bra
And her panties and lies down on the table and shouts: HELP ME - I haven’t
Seen a man in over two years!!
‘Tunderin’ Lard Yeezus, Ole, what did you do?’ asks the doctor.
.
..
.
‘I put drops in her eyes!!
ANOTHER ONE FROM RAY MARSHALL
| Stay with this — the answer is at the end. It will blow you away.
One evening a grandson was talking to his grandfather about current events. The Grandfather replied, “Well, let me think a minute, I was born before: ‘ television ‘ penicillin ‘ polio shots ‘ frozen foods ‘ Xerox ‘ contact lenses ‘ Frisbees and ‘ the pill There were no: ‘ credit cards ‘ laser beams or ‘ ball-point pens Man had not invented: ‘ pantyhose ‘ air conditioners ‘ dishwashers ‘ clothes dryers ‘ and the clothes were hung out to dry in the fresh air and ‘ man hadn’t yet walked on the moon Your Grandmother and I got married first, . … . and then lived together. Every family had a father and a mother. Until I was 25, I called every man older than me, “Sir”. We were before gay-rights, computer- dating, dual careers, daycare centers, and group therapy. Our lives were governed by the Ten Commandments, good judgment, and common sense. We were taught to know the difference between right and wrong and to stand up and take responsibility for our actions. Serving your country was a privilege; living in this country was a bigger privilege. We thought fast food was what people ate during Lent. Having a meaningful relationship meant getting along with your cousins. Draft dodgers were those who closed front doors as the evening breeze started. Time-sharing meant time the family spent together in the evenings and weekends-not purchasing condominiums. We never heard of FM radios, tape decks, CDs, electric typewriters, yogurt, or guys wearing earrings. We listened to Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President’s speeches on our radios. And I don’t ever remember any kid blowing his brains out listening to Tommy Dorsey. If you saw anything with ‘Made in Japan ‘ on it, it was junk The term ‘making out’ referred to how you did on your school exam.. Pizza Hut, McDonald’s, and instant coffee were unheard of. We had 5 &10-cent stores where you could actually buy things for 5 and 10 cents. Ice-cream cones, phone calls, rides on a streetcar, and a Pepsi were all a nickel. And if you didn’t want to splurge, you could spend your nickel on enough stamps to mail 1 letter and 2 postcards. You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . .. . but who could afford one? In my day: ‘ ”grass” was mowed, ‘ ”coke” was a cold drink, ‘ ”pot” was something your mother cooked in and ‘ ”rock music” was your grandmother’s lullaby. ‘ ”Aids” were helpers in the Principal’s office, ‘ ” chip” meant a piece of wood, ‘ ”hardware” was found in a hardware store and ‘ ”software” wasn’t even a word. And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us “old and confused” and say there is a generation gap. and how old do you think I am? I bet you have this old man in mind…you are in for a shock! Read on to see — pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time. Are you ready ????? This man would be only 59 years old. |
ROGER ARLICH SENT THIS ONE – ROGER IS IN SAN DIEGO – I THINK! HELL I CAN’T KEEP TRACK OF ALL MY BUDDIES SPREAD ALL OVER THE PLACE. Fred
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, “You Can Be THE Man Of Your House.”
He stormed out to his wife in the kitchen and announced, “From now on, you need to know that I am
the man of this house and my word is Law.
You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I’m finished eating
my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert.
After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the
kind of sex that I want.
Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash
my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.
ANOTHER FROM ROGER
Why Parents Drink
A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an
Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.
Dear Dad:
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’s not only the passion…Dad she’s pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone.
We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so
Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don’t worry Dad. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can
get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house.
I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That’s in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it’s safe to come home.
ANOTHER FROM CHUCK IN ARIZONA
Judas Asparagus
If you need a laugh today, then this should do it!
A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible.
This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes.
I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching???
Through the eyes of a child:
The Children’s Bible in a Nutshell
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, ‘The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, ‘Give me a light!’ and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren’t embarrassed because mirrors hadn’t been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden…..Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn’t have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh’s people. These plagues included frogs, mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments. These include: don’t lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your neighbor’s stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses’ best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn’t sound very wise to me.
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don’t have to worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my mom is always saying to me, ‘Close the door! Were you born in a barn?’ It would be nice to say, ‘As a matter of fact, I was.’)
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn’t stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of Revolution.
——-You must share this delightful story! ——–
ANOTHER FROM PHIL
- Retirement
>
> You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where..
> 1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
> 2.. You’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
> 3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
> 4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
> 5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
> 6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
>
> You can retire to California where..
> 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
> 2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
> 3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
> 4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
> 5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it
> will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
> 6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
>
> You can retire to New York City where..
> 1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
> 2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
> 3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
> 4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
> 5. You’ve worn out a car horn. ( Ed note: if you have a car)
>
> You can retire to Maine where..
> 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .
> 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
> 3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
> 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
> 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.
>
> You can retire to the Deep South where..
> 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
> 2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
> 3. “He needed killin’” is a valid defense.
> 4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
> 5. Everything is either “in yonder,” “over yonder” or “out yonder.” It’s important to know the difference, too.
>
> You can retire to Colorado where..
> 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car .
> 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.
> 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
> 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.
>
> You can retire to the Midwest where…
> 1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name..
> 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
> 3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
> 4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at? ”
> 5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say,
> “It was different!”
>
> And You can retire to Florida where..
> 1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
> 2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
> 3. Everyone can recommends an excellent dermatologist.
> 4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
> 5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
>
> Hope you’re retired… - LAST IS ‘RUNNING IN THE RAN’ ANOTHER FROM PHIL
NEED WASHING??
A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in Target. She must have been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle faced image of innocence.. It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to flow down the spout. We all stood there under the awning and just inside the door of the Target.
We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up their hurried day. I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome reprieve from the worries of my day.
The little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were all caught in ‘Mom let’s run through the rain,’
she said.
‘What?’ Mom asked.
‘Let’s run through the rain!’ She repeated
‘No, honey. We’ll wait until it slows down a bit,’ Mom replied.
This young child waited about another minute and repeated: ‘Mom, let’s run through the rain,’
‘We’ll get soaked if we do,’ Mom said..
‘No, we won’t, Mom.. That’s not what you said this morning,’ the young girl said as she tugged at her Mom’s arm.
This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get wet?
‘Don’t you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer, you said, ‘If God can get us through this, he can get us through anything!’
The entire crowd stopped dead silent. I swear you couldn’t hear anything but the rain.. We all stood silently. No one came or left in the next few minutes.
Mom paused and thought for a moment about what she would say. Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might even ignore
what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a young child’s life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that it will bloom into faith.
‘Honey, you are absolutely right. Let’s run through the rain. If GOD let’s us get wet, well maybe we just needed washing,’ Mom said.
Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They held their shopping bags over their heads just in case. They got soaked. But they were followed by a few who screamed and laughed like children all the way to their cars.
And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed washing.
Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they can take away your money, and they can take away your health. But no one can ever take away your precious memories…So, don’t forget to make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday. To everything there is a season
and a time to every purpose under heaven.
I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them. Send this to the people you’ll never forget and remember to also send it to the person who sent it to you. It’s a short message to let them know that you’ll never forget them..
If you don’t send it to anyone, it means you’re in a hurry.
Take the time to live!!!
Keep in touch with your family and friends, you never know when you’ll need each other — and don’t forget to run in the rain!
Topics: HUMOR FROM BUDDIES | No Comments »